batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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