I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
