If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
