I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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