Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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