Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
