I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
