You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
