One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He passed out mid-signature
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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