i think my mom watched the whole time
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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