"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
