i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
