Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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