I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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