I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
