I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
