Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
