I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
