Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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