Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
