I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
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Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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