you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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