i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
