sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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