you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
