It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
