NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
