its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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