literally had 100 drinks last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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