I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
