i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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