But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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