I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
