Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
