you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
