i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
