At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
