he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
