its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
