what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
