My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
