im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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