i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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