Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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