Where did you get a picture of my penis
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
