Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
