you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Green mimosas i think yes
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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