I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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