the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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