Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
