Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
