Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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