Ketchup is God's man juice
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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