just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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