hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
high people should be assigned attendants
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
