I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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