Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
