Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
