Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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