Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
