Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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