i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
being pregnant is like rehab
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
